2021

2021, by Mayve otherwise known as Vam.

The canvas of my 2021 has been filled, captured, scribbled, painted with flashing moments to look back on. Wishing everyone good health, peace, and abundance in the coming year!

By Mayve

Musings of a Drunk

Musings of a Drunk, by Mayve otherwise known as Vam.

I actually never tasted Dom Pérignon but I have had drinks. The aftermath of alcohol with bitterness on my tongue is taken over by sober thoughts, ‘after-who-knows-how-many-cups’ I’m just too drunk to articulate specifically. I guess this was what I am expressing with this piece.

By Mayve

Stardusts

Stardusts, by Mayve otherwise known as Vam.

Marigolds in Summer Bloom

Marigolds in Summer Bloom, by Mayve otherwise known as Vam.

Marigolds are not even my favourite bloom. After reading up on how they were extremely easy and cheerful to grow in summer and autumn gardens, I want to metaphorically translate this understanding into poetry. I love the innocence and desire in this piece. Hopeful and yearning. Bloom bright, like a marigold — my marigold.

By Mayve

Words Have Powers

Never had the belief in myself that I could bring about another being to develop a specific reaction over my words. I want to think that what I’ve read from others, I listened to absorbed and distilled them into experiences of my own. Maybe they resonate with you, maybe they won’t. We now live in a collective digital space where even a simple comment can be detected or accessed effortlessly. Almost like searching for a needle in the haystack but also addressing the elephant in the room. Words then easily gets overlapped and overlooked. But to get that one reaction out of this haystack? It means a lot to me coming from someone who’s a chameleon of society (I will separately speak about this in a later post). For once, my words held weight, they felt genuinely heard.

I think my adoration for words grew, knowing that the impact one’s choice of words could make another feel. There are many who would abuse this fact and as unapologetic I could get, I’ll be sure to pay more sensitivity in terms of my delivery. I’m not implying the choice of relevant languages here. In a way it’s about the choice to articulate my thoughts through easy and relatable words which can potentially evoke a certain emotional state on someone else. My aim is not to trigger any notions, but to genuinely talk about emotions the way that I have listened and understood, and that I desire for my words to be so gentle yet impactful to stir a part in someone deeply. What part could that be? That will be for you, my reader, to acknowledge and own it. 

Words have powers if we are better at using it to our advantages and for the well-being of others. As always, listen to understand then speak with integrity, respect and empathy. Thanks for reading and have a great one!

By Mayve

A Pleasant Morning In the Cold

I woke up to the sound of my alarm, a familiar tone which reminds me of another awaking moment to look forth. I shrugged a little, the thought of leaving the warmness of my bed as I felt the cold density lingering in the air.

Sensing joy in the minutes of mentally arranging my to-do’s, I lifted off my blanket and lightly approached the windows, glancing through and inhaling the atmospheric air, registering the scent of mornings. It smelled dewy and unpolluted, with a cooling sensation that tickled my nose. “It’s surely much colder than it was in my room!” I thought.

I pulled open my door and walked across the common room to get to the bath. There’s my dog, still in a slumber. The tranquility in the space made the air colder. There was nothing and there was everything. I adore quiet mornings. I was in the bath and turned the faucet on for water. “Cold!” Hesitant to make my next contact as icy water splashes my face, rinsing off impurities to illuminate radiance. I am finally ready for my day.

A pleasant morning for me is to ensure I get two needs met. One that feeds my tummy and one that feeds my soul. I enjoyed a comforting meal paired with a warm honey drink. Listened to Gymnopédie. Spent forty minutes reading a heart opening book. You see my morning is not complexed, but the way I want it to be, astoundingly pleasant enough to observe the intricacies of simple moments. Things that warms a soul, even in the coldest air.

As we approached a colder month, what do you engaged in to keep your being warm? And I hope you have a pleasant morning.

By Mayve

Forgotten Feelings

While I was flipping through my almost torn journal, a fragmentary piece spoke out to me. As if trying to transport back to a moment of an emotional state. Most of my writings stems from being emotionally reactive about a situation. I could not remember the reason I had wrote it, but reading this piece certainly lets me looked back on emotions that was once alive. And God, I was so alive.

Momentary Words

Please keep that candid Grace

I don’t want to look at you and see poetry

Everything that I have lost,

I lost in love

My house is in shambles

My home is a mess

With you, I never had to speak my feelings

But you always knew what I wanted to say

My words need not make you understand

For you always desire to listen with intent

Once, I couldn’t decide to leave or stay

I chose to stay either way

For I will leave in an instance

If you had not want me to stay

By Mayve

The Simplicity Playbook for Innovators and Why You Should Read

Genre – Business + Money Making Management

Author – Jin Kang Møller

Simple words. Easy to understand. Organised format with lovely visuals.

The Simplicity Playbook for Innovators is a book every startups, leaders, senior managers, basically any working individuals should pick up on. It distills the core principles and methods to bring simplicity into complexed systems.

For many organisations, simplicity will be the key in achieving lovable experiences for customers. Yet, simplifying is often hard work and it’s definitely bigger than we think it is.

This is a very practical book which has substantial tips and frameworks to guide readers through. Theories are explained clearly, terminology are well defined and there are supporting visual references and proven case studies.

I did not see myself having to lift a brow, questioning what the book was trying to convince me. I am convinced and instead I found myself nodding through most of the contents because it was just too relevant. It’s also relatable to me, as a designer who works in a non-creative organisation I could see myself implementing what this book taught me in my reality. Personally I enjoyed the author’s brilliant interpretation on how design starts from empathy and why design sensitivity matters to innovative industries, despite what many would often go against.

Overall, there is nothing I can criticise about this book. You will takeaway many things and gain fresh perspectives. The book was written with simplicity that will value add to your fundamentals comprehensively.

What a happy purchase I’ve made! I will definitely return to this whenever needed.

By Mayve

Still, Beautiful

My colleague handed me a bar of Kojic Acid soap today, said it was for my skin. I took it and read the contents. One dominant claim I noticed was ‘suitable for acne-prone skin’. I thought it felt good, having people concerned about my skin you know. My sentiment brings me back to troubled days battling with acne.

I guess words alone are unable to describe the immense frustrations and disappointment I had over a condition. Acne will and forever be my greatest cosmetic struggle. Allow me to share my painful experience that affected me physically and emotionally.

I started experiencing mild breakouts back in 2019 which progressively became severe. Huge and inflamed underlying cysts which are almost painful to even enjoy food consumption (the worst are the ones on my chin). Washing my face hurts and touching every bit of bumps disgusts me. Day after day, my already low self-esteem transpired into this obsessive and critical nightmare. Wow, not only do I have to suffer through physical turmoils but my emotional being has been prevalent as well. I felt defeated! Concealer was my saviour to conceal all my pigmentation, yet the protruding bumps was still horrible to even look at. I would glance in a mirror at any given chance, analysing the condition of each cysts and break down in my own pity party hoping that I could just sleep off this crippling emotional pain.

I remembered I would constantly ask my then partner was there still traces of beauty left on me. More than anyone else, I clearly knew the brutality of the truth. Crucially, I was aware not seeking to be the idea of societal beauty, but presentable as I used to. So how could I not be affected? How could I not feel insecure? Even with his sincere response, I would doubt it. A mere “Yes, you are still beautiful. This will just be a passing phase. It is not the end of your life. Others had it worse.” never settled for me. If someone were to comment on my skin (as if I do not already realised), all I did was jokingly brush it off. Yet they would never understand how criticised I felt. My self-esteem had already hit pan. Looking back, I guess all I wanted was external validation to reassure myself I am still ‘normal’ – It was unfortunate having acne but I am still ‘the same old me’.

Medical treatment will be the last resort, I assured myself. Psychologically I am never someone who prefers pills over organic treatment. On the contrary, I enjoyed the massive ways to heal acne naturally and tended to my own pity party. I would research tons of organic methods from suitable skincare to dietary alternatives. If you could name it, I would have probably did it. A very specific dietary alternative I tried was consuming raw celery each morning. Proven to aid gut health which there could be a possibility my gut plays a part in triggering more break outs. Honestly not sure how much this alternative actually did lessened my break outs, and I was at a helpless point in my life where I was desperate to eliminate the ugly pain. I remembered how bad I felt. The restriction I had to impose on myself was depressing just tasting raw celeries first thing in a morning. (Yuck!)

The only period in my life I probably pampered myself with utmost self-care. Supported by thoughts and prayers, I knew there was still growth for self-acceptance. It was trying but I am thankful for that undying faith left in me.

I switched between alternatives for a couple weeks until I decided to seek professional help. The derma put me on 1 month of Clarithromycin which I did saw a noticeable reaction 2 weeks in. Thankfully, the existing cysts healed quicker with a slower rate of break outs. But this relief did not stopped there. In fact, it got worst. Acne sufferers would know of this term as purging. The worst has to surface in order to get better. I hated how sudden purging phase comes at me but I was already in a depleted state of mind, seeing just a tiny light at the end of the tunnel gives me hope. Moving on I was put on another month of Clarithromycin and then additional 2 months just to stabilise my condition. My struggle with acne was at least for me, a tiresome journey. Witnessing my skin condition getting progressively worse can never be easily accepted for someone already facing issues with self-esteem. However given time, I am getting better at accepting things I simply cannot control. Acne became just a part of the many things since then.

I am now 24 and still troubled by this skin condition. I do not hate the fact that I have acne as much, instead, it was whatever it was which builds my emotional strength and confidence. Looking back, I had to be very patient with myself and believe it was just a passing phase even though some days I still struggled. I knew I had to ultimately come to terms with accepting what has happened and appreciate what this journey has taught me.

To my acne sufferers, we all have our personal experiences and varied responses towards this condition. Some had it easier, some successfully made it out, some never. In my own words, I am delighted to be able to share this personal story to anyone who is currently feeling what I felt back then. I know of those waking days where it is hard to feel good when imperfections is all you can see and that perfection is what you wished to see. But striving for perfection is an old ego-game and that attainment is only apparent to yourself and others. Believe that you are still loved, still kind and beautiful despite what a cruel condition has bring upon you.

Today, I looked into the mirror and see a face not of imperfections, but stories and experiences left by acne. And I am me, still beautiful.

By Mayve